{"id":2155,"date":"2021-10-05T09:00:30","date_gmt":"2021-10-05T16:00:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/?p=2155"},"modified":"2021-10-06T09:06:44","modified_gmt":"2021-10-06T16:06:44","slug":"the-girls-maria-heck-pt-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/the-girls-maria-heck-pt-1\/","title":{"rendered":"The Girls (Maria Heck, Pt 1)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Several years ago, upon the eve of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I was personally made aware.\u00a0 I noticed a lump, about the size of a pea, under my arm.\u00a0 You may not know this about me, but I\u2019m hyper-vigilant about my health.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a \u201cwait and see\u201d kind of a woman.\u00a0 If I were that kind of a woman, I would have never got married, procreated, or aggressively passed a kidney stone the size and shape of the Liberty Bell.\u00a0 My doctor sent me to a breast surgeon, and this led to a biopsy of three tumours.\u00a0 I felt only one.\u00a0 But, because things like to hide in the cushiness of my cozy fat cells, there were two more, shying away from the spotlight, coming out to play only under the glaring doppler activity of the ultrasound.<\/span><\/p>\n

Well, a biopsy is no laughing matter.\u00a0 It\u2019s as serious as a heart attack.\u00a0 Well, as serious as cancer, I suppose.\u00a0 (Ladies, with the prospect of hosting a breast cancer free-for-all in our bodies, make sure your girls get a mammogram every year).\u00a0 I digress.\u00a0 I asked my husband to escort me to the biopsy party.\u00a0 He does not enjoy being my accompanist, especially if it involves biological functions, anatomical issues or any type of diarrhea.\u00a0 He agreed regardless, and we set-out for the pepto-pink-walled cocoon of \u201cThe Breast Center.\u201d Yes, that is really the name posted by the entrance.<\/span><\/p>\n

After the obligatory time in the waiting room, I was retrieved from my <\/span>People<\/span><\/i> magazine-induced catatonic state.\u00a0 I begged them to take all the time they need!\u00a0 To have a snack, read their horoscope, do their nails!\u00a0 I was in no hurry to have my ta-tas on stage, awaiting their biopsy premier.\u00a0 But I trudged along behind the kind and perky nurse, disrobed and hopped onto the sanitized, and very, very cold table.<\/span><\/p>\n

We were off to the races and let the games begin.\u00a0 Even without my glasses I was able to see the needle pierce the tumour on the screen.\u00a0 I was ready for a close-up, but not that ready.\u00a0 I felt weak-kneed and faint-hearted.\u00a0 The nurses were as delightful and spunky as if they were playing Frisbee in the park.\u00a0 To all you medical professionals out there: it is incredibly comforting and empowering to be spoken to in an intelligent and coherent manner during this production.\u00a0 That is \u2013 not like you\u2019re an imbecile with half the grey matter of a monkey.<\/span><\/p>\n

Outwardly, I\u2018m sure I looked attentive. But, don\u2019t be fooled! Inwardly, I was pretend-meditating, with all sort of crazy things going on in my head: \u201dUmmmm\u2026.I should have shaved my armpits.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cUmmmm\u2026I should not have had that Coolata on the way over.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cUmmmm\u2026I hope they can\u2019t see that I forgot to zipper my jeans.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cUMMMM\u2026uhoh\u2026I think I just left a little stinker.\u201d\u00a0 And on it went\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Just as I was about to wet my pants, it was over.\u00a0 The questionable tissue was extracted and sent to a lab in Biopsy-ville.\u00a0 I prayed that the pathologist was alert and attentive, and not Tik Tok-ing instead of analyzing my boob sample.\u00a0 I received my instructions from the nurse.\u00a0 \u201cNo golf or water aerobics for a month\u201d stuck in my mind.\u00a0 That tidbit will come in handy, I thought.\u00a0 Before leaving, I was packed with steri-strips and a big ice pack.\u00a0 I felt like a bruised margarita.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The nurse handed-me off to my husband.\u00a0 I\u2019m certain, he had no idea what had just transpired.\u00a0 \u201cGuess what?\u201d I shrieked brightly.\u00a0 \u201cThe nurse said you can\u2019t golf or participate in water aerobics for a month!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cTough break, huh?\u201d\u00a0 He looked to the nurse in confusion.\u00a0 Before she could speak I shouted: \u201cAND for ME\u2026.no washing, cooking, cleaning, heavy lifting or cleaning dog vomit from the rug for a month!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cLook, I\u2019m just to follow doctor\u2019s orders.\u201d The poor nurse looked around helplessly.\u00a0 \u201cAND one more thing!\u201d\u00a0 \u201cThe doctor said it would ease my recovery to have a pair of one carat bezel-set diamond earrings.\u201d\u00a0 \u201cWho would have thought?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cBut whatever it takes to get Mama on the mend.\u201d He escorted me from The Breast Center as I was shouting further instructions involving Mexican vacations and a tummy tuck.\u00a0 Look, I\u2019m not stupid.\u00a0 Ask while there is pity, and you will receive. Or so I always thought.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once home, I had to lie low.\u00a0 About to fall sleep, I asked my son to grab a bag of frozen peas to replace the ice pack that had now melted.\u00a0 (Thank God there is always that bag of frozen peas at the back of the freezer!)\u00a0 Almost comatose, I reached for the peas and slid them under my arm pit before I slid into sleep.\u00a0 I was awakened several hours later by the stench of bad meat.\u00a0 Crap!\u00a0 He had given me a bag filled with frozen chicken gizzards instead of peas. (Yes, a good Polish wife uses gizzards in her soup. Don\u2019t judge me!).\u00a0 My poor booby was soaked in chicken innards, and I was drenched in fury.\u00a0 Thankfully, I fell into a dreamless (albeit stink), abyss for the next day and a half.<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been a week and I am feeling more like myself; whatever the hell that means.\u00a0 I still cannot lift my arm, but it is a brilliant ploy to have children hoist the laundry basket and Swiffer the ceiling fan for me.\u00a0 How long can I play this out?\u00a0 About as long as it took my husband to figure out he can indeed play golf this month, but not water aerobics.\u00a0 I don\u2019t have the earrings yet!<\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

*Reprinted from The Sunday Dispatch*<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Several years ago, upon the eve of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I was personally made aware.\u00a0 I noticed a lump, about the size of a pea, under my arm.\u00a0 You may not know this about me, but I\u2019m hyper-vigilant about my health.\u00a0 I\u2019m not a \u201cwait and see\u201d kind of a woman.\u00a0 If I were […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2155"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2155\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2158,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2155\/revisions\/2158"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}