{"id":2180,"date":"2021-11-24T08:58:21","date_gmt":"2021-11-24T16:58:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/?p=2180"},"modified":"2021-12-01T00:19:27","modified_gmt":"2021-12-01T08:19:27","slug":"a-caregivers-guide-to-pesky-breast-cancer-maria-heck-pt-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/a-caregivers-guide-to-pesky-breast-cancer-maria-heck-pt-8\/","title":{"rendered":"A caregiver’s guide to pesky breast cancer (Maria Heck, Pt. 8)"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ve received a multitude of correspondence from breast cancer patients who have read my blog posts and columns, as well as their significant others.\u00a0 One reader told me that I\u2019d opened his eyes to the back story his wife endured, and that he had learned things of which he was previously unaware.\u00a0 This makes me very happy!\u00a0 He suggested I write a column containing \u00ab\u00a0helpful hints\u00a0\u00bb for those who have a loved one battling breast cancer. Thanks, Tim, I think I will…<\/span><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. THIS IS PARAMOUNT! Learn how to pronounce the procedure.\u00a0 It’s mastectomy, not masectomy.\u00a0 Pronounce that \u00ab\u00a0T\u00a0\u00bb!\u00a0 Otherwise, it sounds like you don’t care enough to learn about the actual process or you’re an idiot, or both.\u00a0 I will tell you, if our husbands had prostate issues, you can bet your #$%^&* we wouldn’t say prostrate. Although most Sundays, my husband actually is prostrate!<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Don’t say: \u00ab\u00a0Boobs are overrated\u00a0\u00bb.\u00a0 Obviously, based on everything we’ve been taught since birth, that’s a lie.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Don’t say: \u00a0\u00bb Your shirts will fit you better\u00a0\u00bb.\u00a0 This implies she was a porpoise previously, and her shirts were obscenely tight.<\/span><\/li>\n
  4. Google everything the doctor has told her.\u00a0 Know what stage and the type of breast cancer she has.\u00a0 Know what treatment she will undergo.\u00a0 Don’t presume every breast cancer is the same.\u00a0 It’s not one-size-fits-all like my Fruit of the Looms.<\/span><\/li>\n
  5. In the case of chemotherapy and hair loss, don’t say \u00ab\u00a0cute hat\u00a0\u00bb or \u00ab\u00a0sassy wig\u00a0\u00bb.\u00a0 No one feels cute or sassy without eyebrows, or eyelashes, or a boob.\u00a0 Or two.<\/span><\/li>\n
  6. When and if vomiting ensues, you hold that empty popcorn bowl for her.\u00a0 Wordlessly empty it, wash it, replace it, and tell her you love her. Then put on Maury Pauvich and leave her the hell alone.<\/span><\/li>\n
  7. Post-mastectomy: it is protocol to have one to three drains attached to the surgical site.\u00a0 They resemble cow udders with a bulb on the end.\u00a0 This, to me, was perhaps worse than my mastectomy.\u00a0 These drainage tubes must be \u00ab\u00a0stripped\u00a0\u00bb regularly (I kid you not).\u00a0 Preferably by another party other than the patient.\u00a0 Now, if you were my husband, you may gag considerably, turn pasty beige, and have to leave the room continuously during milking.\u00a0 This is much like his response during all three childbirths.\u00a0 Such a strong partner, my man.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n
  8. Fetch ice cream as many times as your patient demands it.\u00a0 Don’t say: \u00ab\u00a0You don’t need ice cream. What you need is a big bowl of mashed potatoes\u00a0\u00bb. (If I was able, I would have thrown a lamp. Or at the very least, spit.\u00a0 But alas, I ate the potatoes).<\/span><\/li>\n
  9. Reach into your big bag of love and shower her with it endlessly.\u00a0 Telling her you love her is key.\u00a0 But as important as these words, is\u2026.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
      \n
    1. a big, fat, warm blanket<\/span><\/li>\n
    2. Jolly Ranchers<\/span><\/li>\n
    3. a journal<\/span><\/li>\n
    4. every sleazy magazine the store has to offer<\/span><\/li>\n
    5. ginger ale<\/span><\/li>\n
    6. a new car<\/span><\/li>\n
    7. and bezel set diamond earrings<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      And whatever you do, and I beg of you, don’t tell her that without eyebrows she looks thinner and younger.\u00a0 She may have just had surgery, but that popcorn bowl full of vomit weighs next to nothing and can easily be thrown across a room.<\/span><\/p>\n

      Hold her hand.\u00a0 Be present.\u00a0 Let her weep.\u00a0 Don’t tell her you know how she feels.\u00a0 Envelope her in security and adoration.\u00a0 Love her.\u00a0 And give her the damn ice cream!<\/span><\/p>\n

       <\/p>\n

      *Reprinted from\u00a0The Sunday Dispatch*<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      I’ve received a multitude of correspondence from breast cancer patients who have read my blog posts and columns, as well as their significant others.\u00a0 One reader told me that I\u2019d opened his eyes to the back story his wife endured, and that he had learned things of which he was previously unaware.\u00a0 This makes me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[35],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/44"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2180"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2181,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2180\/revisions\/2181"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2180"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2180"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/bethechoice.org\/fr\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2180"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}